


Everything is Temporary

by strange_nut_pirate



Series: OTP Prompt Oneshots [16]
Category: Free!
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Illnesses, M/M, Married Couple, Memory Loss, Pancakes, Retrograde Amnesia, Transient Global Amnesia, happy(?) ending, they both need a hug dammit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26521576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strange_nut_pirate/pseuds/strange_nut_pirate
Summary: Nagisa wakes up, and finds he doesn’t know where he is, or who the man in front of him is. He can’t remember anything that has happened recently, but the man who lives with him, Rei, tries his best and fill him in on his life thus far.
Relationships: Hazuki Nagisa/Ryuugazaki Rei
Series: OTP Prompt Oneshots [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1657651
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Everything is Temporary

**Author's Note:**

> So in this fic Nagisa has retrograde amnesia and TGA. I did a bunch of research on the two, and they seemed to fit the prompt more then anything else. I also wrote this ages ago and had to rewrite the whole bloody thing because I didn’t research it then and I romanticised it a lot smhhh. Thankfully I developed a brain and decided to rewrite all of it with actual information phft. It’s still not that good but at least it’s better than what it was *nervous laughter*
> 
> Anyways, it was kinda hard to put happy, bubbly Nagisa in a situation that doesn’t really permit that. I still wanted him to be the optimistic person he’s described in canon, but no person would be truly happy in this situation so... I tried my best to make him optimistic and angsty at the same time.
> 
> I mostly wrote this to fit the prompt, but remember that many people have different scales of memory loss, most of them being on a lesser scale then forgetting someone entirely. I don’t want to add to the stigma that people with amnesia do nothing but cause those around them pain and are dependent. There are different types of amnesia, and each vary on seriousness. I can only imagine how exhausting it is to go through this, and so I did try my best to portray some of that tiredness through the characters.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading this ahaha i hope you enjoy and I love y’all 💛💙💛💙
> 
> Prompts from— https://drink-it-write-it.tumblr.com/post/189074732022/200-prompts

**“I’m sorry but… I don’t remember you.”**

Nagisa saw the man’s face fall, but he recovered almost immediately.

“That’s okay!” He reassured Nagisa. “That’s totally fine.”

Something told him that wasn’t totally fine, but he didn’t want to ask about it. He was getting scared, and heavily uneasy. He didn’t know where he was, or why he was there. He looked around the bedroom, with a soothing grey wallpaper and the faint scent of chamomile tea, and he looked at the bed, at the red duvet and mismatched blankets, and at the man again, with kind violet eyes gazing at him behind red glasses and a gangly but built figure that seemed to trigger something in the back of his mind, a nagging feeling, but it was just out of grasp. 

He should know who this person was, shouldn’t he?

“Wh—where am I?” Nagisa asked him, feeling his throat constrict as he tried to reach out to anything he could remember. God, he couldn’t even recall the last thing he remembered doing! He knew his name, and his parents, and his primary school, and his age, and how he looked like, but there were so, _so_ many gaps and holes and he couldn’t fill them up. And before he knew it he started to hyperventilate, tears blurring his vision. “I can’t remember anything!”

The man quickly moved from his sitting place at the end of the bed to where Nagisa was and rubbed his back soothingly, speaking so calmly that Nagisa found himself mollifying.

“It’s okay, this isn’t the first time this has happened to you, you’ll get better very soon,” he said, adjusting his glasses. And even the way he adjusted them seemed to provoke something within Nagisa, the way he would use his whole hand to push them up again. It was ridiculous, and it made his heart hurt a bit.

“I should know you,” Nagisa said in a small voice. “Who are you again?”

“I’m Rei Ryugazaki,” he said, giving Nagisa a soft smile. 

Nagisa’s face scrunched up in confusion. 

“I know that name,” he said. “Ryugazaki… I think I know it.”

“That’s because it’s your surname.”

“But… no, that doesn’t make sense,” Nagisa said, growing more confused. “Aren’t I Nagisa Hazuki?”

“Your birth surname was Hazuki, but your name now is Ryugazaki. We’re married,” Rei said carefully, and smiling apologetically, as if he felt Nagisa’s sudden panic and confusion. Rei flashed his hand, and Nagisa’s mouth fell open not too soon after, staring at the glittering, silver ring on his ring finger. Nagisa’s head immediately snapped towards his own hand, where he saw the replica of the ring, or rather, _their_ wedding rings.

Something ate at Nagisa’s gut, a gnawing, frustrating feeling. A feeling that he was missing something, and Nagisa knew it was missing, but not what _it_ was exactly. Except there were a million things he knew he was missing, and no way to find them. No way to retrieve them and put his soul at ease. If he forgot he was married, then what else had he forgotten? Who else? Did he have children he had forgotten? Were his parents still the same as he remembered them to be? Did they still love him? What kind of person must he be in front of Rei? Did Rei go through this all the time or was this his first?

So many questions, no way to answer them. 

Nagisa tried to breathe properly.

Nagisa swallowed as Rei patiently explained them being husbands.

“We got married a couple of years back, but we have known each other about three years beforehand,” Rei continued, gently, as if he could sense Nagisa’s inner turmoil. 

“Yeah…” Nagisa trailed off, suddenly feeling very guilty. So, judging by Rei’s calm demeanour, and his first few words that morning, he was probably used to Nagisa’s memory loss. That should’ve made Nagisa feel better, but it made him feel sorry for Rei. He was probably tired of it.

“I’m going to go make us some breakfast, okay?” Rei asked, not gently, but softly, as if he knew Nagisa didn’t want to be pitied. “You can come if you want, and ask any questions you need to and I’ll answer them as best as I can.”

Nagisa nodded, and Rei got up. He walked over to the door, took one hesitant look at Nagisa, before walking out.

Nagisa hastily got out of bed, and found himself wearing matching red pyjamas with dogs on them.

_Damn, I have style,_ Nagisa thought, momentarily forgetting about his initial stress of being in an unfamiliar home that was probably his own house.

“Rei?” Nagisa called out hesitantly. He heard the burn of what was probably him frying something, and so Nagisa guessed that Rei hadn’t heard him and had already started to cook something. Should he just go out and find him?

Nagisa hesitated, wondering if he should or shouldn’t, and then shook his head.

_If I’m going to have everything taken away from me, then I should go exploring,_ Nagisa thought, trying to conjure up any scrap of optimism he could. He had always been the adventurous type, but venturing through abandoned sites and unfamiliar landscapes was one thing, and having to re-identify everything in your own home was another. Maybe he could try to magically remember anything on his own due to sheer willpower. It probably wouldn’t happen, but there was a first for everything, right?

When he stepped outside the room, he found a hallway with strung up fairy lights and two doors leading to some place he had no recollection of. He looked into the door on the left, and saw a study. Or a library. Nagisa wasn’t quite sure which one it was.

There was a wooden desk and a comfortable cushioned chair, the type of big, black, swivelling chair evil bosses would sit in, but the room didn’t quite fit its sinister appearance. There were two large windows with the blinds drawn up, so that light was filtering in and making the room glow warmly. Shelves of books lined the walls of various things, a whole shelf dedicated to swimming, which Nagisa knew he enjoyed, and wondered if he had bought them. But it seemed weird, since Nagisa felt that the sport was more practical than anything, and he didn’t do well with books. But there was a possibility that he had grown to be the more studious type and had completely forgotten his new personality. Was that even possible for a person to do? Surely not. 

Surely that was too much.

Before Nagisa could panic about it any longer, the large, bulky PC whirred on the desk, and drew his attention away from the many books on swimming. As Nagisa approached it, his eyes were drawn to the framed photo beside it. 

It seemed to be his and Rei’s wedding photo.

Rei looked younger, less lines on his face, same glasses, shorter hair, and extremely attractive (he still was, and Nagisa wished he could remember how he landed _that_ for a husband, but then again, he had no idea what exactly _that_ implied). Rei was smiling bashfully up at the camera, in a dark suit, as Nagisa kissed his cheek. Both of their faces were flushed and the picture seemed to radiate pure joy. 

Nagisa smiled, though his heart throbbed. How could he forget something like that? It made _his_ heart break and he wasn’t even the one being forgotten.

He sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a second.

What kind of person was Rei? Who did he marry? Who did they invite to their wedding? Was Nagisa happy in this marriage? Was Rei happy? They both certainly _looked_ happy in the photo… 

“There you are,” Nagisa heard Rei say behind him, and when Nagisa turned around he found Rei leaning on the doorframe, in a yellow apron with a kitten on it. Nagisa had to stifle a laugh. “Do you want pancakes?”

“Sure,” Nagisa nodded, still grinning at the cat. 

Okay, Nagisa may have lost his memory, but he was almost certain that _he_ must have been the one to have bought that.

Rei rolled his eyes at him.

“You gave it to me as a gift for our second anniversary,” Rei said, exasperated. It confirmed Nagisa’s suspicions, and put him at ease more than he could convey through his brief exhale. It meant that he was at least a little of the same person he remembered being years ago. “You’re a comedian.”

“Am I actually?”

“Well, you certainly seem to think so,” he said and with that, he turned and stalked down the corridor. Nagisa trailed him, still feeling the same sense of relief. This was temporary, he’d know everything again soon. Maybe he could relax.

They reached the end on the short hallway, which opened up into a living area on one side, and a kitchen on the other. 

“Wow, we have a tiny house,” Nagisa said, but some part of him quite liked how homely and _lived_ in it was. However, the pleasant feeling was then overshadowed with a gnawing sadness, at how he still felt like a guest there.

Suddenly relaxing didn’t seem like such a likely turnout anymore.

“Blame society for underpaying workers,” Rei sighed, rummaging around for something in the fridge, and simultaneously pulling Nagisa out of his own head. “And blame yourself for never being able to keep a job.

“I don’t remember, probably didn’t happen,” Nagisa said before he could properly think about it. Then he froze, because he wouldn’t know if Rei was used to his cheek. He knew his parents hated it, and they were pretty feasible people, and Rei seemed to be like that too, and maybe he didn’t like that, and Nagisa didn’t want to make any mistakes just because he couldn’t remember anything.

Rei snorted in amusement.

“Yeah, well, I guess I have nothing on you then,” he said, as he closed the fridge with an assortment of dressings in his hands. He had a small, soft smile on his face, and his cheeks looked like they were tinged pink.

But then again, Nagisa could’ve been kidding himself.

The next few minutes, Rei filled Nagisa in on random things he asked about. Rei explained the questions he had (about their last Christmas, the people who were the contacts on his phone, a brief summary on all of them, his current job, a little about their wedding day, and about how he was also a swimmer, and the swimming books belonged to him) to the best of his ability. But Nagisa knew there were certain questions that he could never get the answer to. He wanted to ask about whether he liked his current job. He wanted to ask about whether he liked his coworkers there, and if they liked him. He wanted to know about how he bought the pyjamas he was wearing, about what his parents thought when they came to their house. He wanted to ask if his parents were proud of him. He wanted to ask if Rei made him happy in their marriage, and how lovely it was supposed to be. How in love was Nagisa supposed to be? Was Nagisa happy?

Rei told him about his amnesia. 

“You don’t need medication, it’ll wear off on its own.”

“Really?” Nagisa asked. “Just like that? We just wait it out?”

“Yeah, but one time you got so frustrated you started to google stuff and you tried hypnosis, but you couldn’t sit still enough for it to even attempt to solve anything. Personally, I don’t think you should try that again.”

Nagisa nodded wisely.

“Well,” he continued, “how often do I lose my memory like this?”

“Well, I’d say it hardly ever gets this bad, but maybe once a month. It normally fades in the next 12 to 24 hours.”

“Oh,” Nagisa said dumbly, because he wasn’t quite sure what else to respond with. “How did I get it? The amnesia, I mean. Did I get into a fight? Did I beat the sucker up badly?”

Rei smirked briefly, but his focus still remained on the pancakes he had just started to dish out on the plates he withdrew from a cabinet. The smirk disappeared completely as he recounted the past, “You had an incident a few years back, where you were listening to music and crossed the street when the pedestrian light was red. A car hit you.”

“Holy shit! Who hit me?”

“Some stranger who was in a rush and didn’t brake fast enough to avoid hitting you. He paid for some of the medical bills and whatnot, but he didn’t break any laws so everything he did for us— _for you_ after the incident was mostly out of guilt.”

Nagisa waited, but Rei didn’t elaborate more than that. He frowned.

“Well, _that’s_ boring.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

Nagisa was a bit more upset then he let on, and a bit more irritated at himself too. Just because he wasn’t paying attention for a split second on the road, and it caused him to have life-changing altercations. How annoying.

Then again, maybe there was more to it, yet he wouldn’t remember the full story now. He’d just have to go along with what Rei was telling him.

Rei brought over their breakfast, and Nagisa was shocked at how Rei managed to make pancakes look fancy. Drizzled with the right amount of syrup (Nagisa liked a lot of syrup on his pancakes, that he could remember), two spoonfuls of vanilla icecream and ripe blueberries and melted butter placed on top of the stack of three, golden flat cakes.

“Rei!” Nagisa gasped. “This is stunning!”

“Well, it’s not _perfect,_ but thanks,” Rei shrugged, but if the blush on his cheeks were any indication, Nagisa said Rei looked quite pleased with himself. “I’ve wanted to practice western cuisine more, so tell me how it tastes.”

Nagisa snorted. He had never heard pancakes be called _cuisine_ before.

Nagisa didn’t waste time goggling at the dish (though he did want to snap a photo of it and send it to his parents), and got to scoffing the meal down, getting so wrapped up in the soft cakes and sweet syrup that he forgot all about Rei sitting beside him. Until he had finished with a suppressed burp and a serene, happy feeling in his gut. He sighed contently, patting his stomach.

“That was—” Nagisa started, but was soon cut short by Rei, who was running his long, delicate fingers through Nagisa’s hair. 

Nagisa inhaled sharply at Rei’s gentle touch, or maybe the sharp inhale was from the look on Rei’s face. He was looking at Nagisa with so much love and affection, and Nagisa felt like maybe he would cry from just that. He felt awkward and confused and guilty, because he had no idea what he did to earn that look from Rei, and he had no idea what he should do now. He should be able to return at least a little of the intimacy Rei was showing, but he couldn’t. How could he if the guy next to him was basically that of a stranger, or at least an acquaintance? How could that equate to years of marriage? But looking at each other lovingly and soft morning touches was what married people did. Married people loved each other, and Nagisa was falling short in so many ways, and should he just pretend to be in love with Rei? Would that work? But what if Rei kissed him? What if Rei kissed him right _now?_ Should he kiss back? Should he pull away? What was the procedure for this? What was the procedure for ‘showing affection to your husband who you temporarily don’t remember?’ Was there a WikiHow on this? Could he check now? Would Rei let him?

All at once, Rei pulled back, his expression quickly contorting to that of shame.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he blurted, his cheeks turning red. “That was so stupid. It’s my bad, I didn’t mean to make you feel—”

Nagisa shut him up by placing Rei’s hand on his head, and leaving it there. He felt his own cheeks were significantly heated too.

“It’s okay,” he said softly. “You can touch my hair if you want to.”

Rei hesitated, but soon he was slowly caressing Nagisa’s head again, steadily and carefully, as if he were savouring the feeling. At first, Nagisa was uncomfortable, but he slowly relaxed at Rei’s touch. He wanted his panicky brain to shut up for a moment, and let Rei feel his hair. Nagisa wouldn’t be wanting to make out with Rei any time soon, but if Rei felt guilty feeling his hair, then he probably wouldn’t make any more heavy moves.

“Your hair always feels so soft, because you steal and use my shampoo,” Rei said quietly, his eyes still staring at Nagisa’s head. “I never get mad, though. It makes your hair so soft, and makes it shine like honey. It’s better for you than it is for me.”

He withdrew his hand and sighed, suddenly looked very sad, and Nagisa wanted so desperately to help him, but he didn’t know what to do or say.

“I’ll be back by tomorrow,” he told Rei, touching his arm lightly. “I’m not gone forever.”

Rei inhaled deeply and sat up straight, nodding his head.

“I know, I know,” he said, gathering his wits as Nagisa frowned. 

From experience, Nagisa could tell when someone was covering up their pain. He hid his behind smiles and forced optimism. Rei seemed to be trying to drown his out with rationale and his own desire to focus his care on Nagisa. Despite this new discovery, and the urge to let Rei know that it was okay if his amnesia was making him sad, that it was okay to be in need of comforting too despite Nagisa going through the worst of it, something told Nagisa that Rei didn’t particularly enjoy being reassured. He was probably the one to do most of the reassuring. So if Rei didn’t want to talk about it, then they wouldn’t. The least Nagisa could do was try to distract him from feeling so down.

“Okay, lets go!” Nagisa said, jumping up, determined to make this a good day, and not a dreadful, scary one. He felt drained already and it was just the morning. “I have no recollection of anything, so anything could be an adventure. You have to tour me around the place, introduce me to some of our friends, I’m sure I’m popular…”

Rei chuckled, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes.

“You always do this,” he said, getting up himself.

“I’d have no idea,” Nagisa shrugged.

But when Rei finally let Nagisa convince him to go outside and meet their neighbours again, he did look significantly cheerier.

~~~

“Nagisa,” Rei whispered, turning on his side to face the smaller boy.

Nagisa grumbled something unintelligible, and rolled into Rei’s body, as if trying to find warmth. Rei could feel his whole heart swell with affection that he could choke on, so he swallowed it down before it came spilling out.

“Nagisa,” he persisted, shaking him gently, “do you remember me?”

Nagisa’s eyes fluttered open, and he blinked hazedly up at Rei, a soft smile gracing his expression.

“How could I forget you, Rei?”

Rei smiled, relieved, and relaxed back down into the bed. It was so early in the morning, that the sun wasn’t even up yet. Nagisa and Rei had fallen asleep, in the same bed, but keeping distance. Rei had opted to sleep on the couch, but Nagisa insisted they share the bed, just in case he woke up scared and blank again. Rei knew he would persist on sharing the bed, he did every time, but he thought it was still polite to offer. 

Yet he couldn’t sleep. It was always hard to do so when he knew he was nothing but a stranger to the man he slept next to, who he shared his heart and soul with.

Everytime Rei woke up to find Nagisa frightened and muddled in bed, blinking in confusion at everything around him, and then seeing Rei, and looking more frightened, it broke his heart. He would never know what it was to wake up and not remember anything, to not even know where you are, to not even know the person you’re married to and lived with. It must’ve terrified Nagisa (he knew it did), and the sight of Nagisa looking anything but happy made him determined to make him bright and sunny again. But in the end, though he ignored the ache for him, pushed it away to make space for Nagisa’s troubles, it was always Nagisa who brought light into his life, not the other way around.

“You forgot me yesterday,” Rei murmured, breathing in his husband’s ambrosial scent.

Nagisa murmured something again, his voice incredibly raspy, and kissed Rei’s collarbone, wrapping his arms around him like Nagisa was the one who had missed him so dearly. But Rei knew that his longing was nothing compared to what he felt when Nagisa woke up with amnesia. He missed Nagisa right now, even though he was right in his arms, and couldn’t get anymore physically closer than they were. It was always a matter of wondering how much time he had left with him before he was a stranger once more.

Nagisa was sleeping. Rei could feel his warm, rhythmic breaths on his torso where Nagisa lay. Rei ran his fingers through the soft, blonde locks, feeling fuller then he had in the past day.

Maybe Nagisa would not always remember him, but he had to remind himself that that was even more temporary than this moment. And Nagisa was worth every ache and sting, for he repaid Rei with more bliss and happiness than he deserved. 

Rei was content, finally relaxing and feeling at home.


End file.
